1, The American Family Association, for example, has been fruitlessly waging a pathetic and ill-conceived boycott war on Walgreens for having the audacity to have its cashiers wish its diverse customers “Happy Holidays” upon checking out.
“It’s true!” bellowed the AFA. “At Walgreens, they advertise ‘Holiday Candy,’ ‘Holiday Gift Tags,’ ‘Holiday Gift Wrap,’ ‘Holiday Decor,’ ‘Holiday Accessories,’ ‘Holiday Nuts and Snacks’ and ‘Holiday Hats and Stockings.’ But no Christmas! In total, Walgreens used the term ‘holiday’ 36 times, rather than using ‘Christmas.’”
Apparently some entry-level schmuck at the AFA had to spend his days totaling the number of “holiday” salutations instead of, perhaps, devising strategies that help spread cheer to impoverished families.
2, Wal-mart banning “Merry Christmas” greeting
Not to insinuate that I would ever defend WalMart, but the War on Christmas creates strange allies. For example, in 2005 a woman sent an irate email to Walmart after one of its employees was wishing her “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas,” thus begging the question: who are these morons and where do they find the time to engage in such totally frivolous nonsense? Naturally, the dyspeptic woman received a mild response, saying that “Christmas traditions are rooted in Siberian shamanism and Santa is also borrowed from the Caucuses, mistletoe from the Celts, yule log from the Goths, the time from the Visigoth and the tree from the worship of Baal. It is a wide world”. That’s right–WalMart reached a lucid conclusion based upon historical facts and verifiable ethnos. Despite a planned boycott by the Catholic League, Walmart continues to have its cashiers greet customers with “Happy Holidays”. Oh, and the employee who sent the reasonable email was fired.
3, A Hospital bans Christmas CD for mentioning Jesus
It seems the Royal Edinburgh Hospital refused to distribute a CD of Christmas songs in its shop because evidently some of the songs mentioned Jesus. But much like with everything that comes out of the mouths of the right, it wasn’t true. After all, the first casuality of war is the truth. According to the Guardian, not only was the CD not banned, “it was actually made available at a hospital carol service that had mysteriously evaded the health authority’s attempts to stamp out Christmas.” To quote Republican presidential candidate, Rick Perry, “oops”.
4, The John Birch Society
It’s not a state secret that the John Birch Society is a group made up of filthy rich oligarchs and plutocrats whose wealth comes from happening to be the spoiled offspring of workaholics. It’s members, including the Koch brothers, have spent hordes of cash to prevent regulation of industry and legislation that seeks to benefit the middle-class. So it’s not especially surprising that in 1959, the John Birch Society warned America that it was under attack. So convinced this impending anti-Christmas menace, they distributed a pamphlet called “There Goes Christmas” , as well as an essay by Hubert Kregeloh saying that the “Godless” United Nations was planning to take the meaning out of Christmas, so that the Communists would win. It is now the year 2011, the Reds are dead, and the UN didn’t ban Christmas in American department stores. Again, “oops”.
5, Fox News and Right Wing websites declare Pilgrims would be outraged by today’s anti-Christmas treatment
Ah, always save the best the last. In its typical factless, inflammatory fashion, the fembots (or foxbots) and mannequins over at Fox News Fox continue to manipulate the history of Christmas celebration in America . For example, Laura Ingraham actually argued that the Pilgrims came to this country to celebrate Christmas. Not to burst the fantastically factless fox news bubble, but history clearly shows that the Pilgrims, oppressive and rigid as they were, actually banned Christmas in Boston and it wasn’t until 1870 that Christmas was declared a federal holiday. But leave it to Fox News to completely and utterly get it wrong!
Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen…. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.
Jeremiah 10:2-4, KJV