A while back I wrote a post titled “If you hate yourself who is the “self” that you hate” where I was musing about neuroscience and how the “self” arises in the brain, and while it is interesting how all of these processes and different parts of the brain work together to form a cohesive sense of identify, recently, I started thinking a lot about how we can apply techniques in day to day life utilizing the knowledge that a cohesive identity is really not much more than a manifestation of memories, emotions reactions as well as a number of other bio-chemical processes occurring in the brain at the same time.
I often hear the term “wrapped in thought”, or “in my head”, in these instances maybe we are experiencing an internal monolog, or perhaps we are wrapped up in a memory along with the emotions associated with that memory, maybe going through scenarios and predicting outcomes based of past experiences and feelings associated with those experiences.
A good deal of us (myself included) have a habit of letting our thoughts rule us, that is, a memory can trigger an emotion and suddenly we are feeling blue or a stressful situation can trigger memories of previous stressful situations and suddenly it snowballs into a full blown “shitty mood” or even worse depression.
We all have these “gut” or “knee jerk” reactions to situations and stimuli, whether it’s internal stimuli (thoughts, memories, and associated emotions) or external stimuli (people, situations). These all work together to make who you “are” as a person, everyone reacts to various situations in different ways, while one person may get angry or frustrated in a particular scenario, another might become sullen or withdrawn under the same circumstances.
This is because somewhere under our awareness our brain is making all these reactions and split second decisions, for example, a person who is angry all the time might have found that early in life reacting with anger intimidated the people around them and they were able to get desirable results or reactions out of it. The same could be said for someone who becomes blue or sullen at every little thing life throws at them, perhaps when they were young, when they expressed these types of feelings a parent or friend showed them sympathy and over time this became an automatic response.
As I stated earlier, often these examples happen below the threshold of our awareness, something makes us angry, or certain situations make us uncomfortable, though we’re not sure why we just know we react that way.
The same could be said for the stereotypes and prejudices we hold, and we all hold them, no matter how bad we want to tell our selves that we don’t, and again many of these exist below the threshold of our awareness, even many of our fears and desires are this way.
A good majority of people simply exist, that is, they live their lives on these knee jerk reactions, these “programmed” behaviors. We all know people who seem to make the same mistakes over and over, or seem like they always get into the same messes or situations.
I’m guilty of this myself, and was for most of my life, I simply existed, almost like I was living on instincts, emotions, and pre-programmed behaviors based on past experiences and results I got from reacting certain ways in certain situations.
But what if you were to step back and look at your thought process, and I mean really analyze it.
I’ve tried to make a habit of looking at my thoughts as an outside observer, by doing this you can start to see the connection between reactions, thoughts, memories and emotions.
It might sound like in doing this you would be over thinking or second guessing yourself constantly, but I’ve found that what happens is, at first, it’s difficult, you still want to get wrapped up in your thoughts, but if you observe a thought objectively, if you observe the feelings or emotions associated with it, you start to become much more aware of what exactly is going on in your head.
It takes practice, and I’ve actually found meditation to be a great exercise for this, almost in the same way you jog or lift weights to keep your body healthy, setting apart even five minuets a day and observing your thoughts as they come up, and not judging yourself or getting wrapped up in the associated emotions can exercise your mind for better mental health.
After a while you learn to think outside your self, when you feel a gut reaction to something (be it positive or negative) you can observe the associated thoughts and emotions that go along with that reaction and start to understand why you behave the way you do in an objective manner, that is, you don’t judge yourself or tell yourself it’s “good” or “bad” to think or feel a particular way in whatever situation your in, but you are aware of it, aware of what is going on in your head.
I’ve found this a way to remain cool-headed in almost any situation any more and not let myself sweat small things or get wrapped up in the “whys” or “hows” when things go wrong and instead assess the situation and the events along with the thoughts and emotions associated with the decisions that lead to a particular situation.
This way, if we remain ever mindful of what is going on internally, we can begin to control our thoughts and not let our thoughts control us, when we realize we’re feeling down you can assess why instead of letting it spiral out of control, the same could be said for anger, guilt, or any other negative emotion, mind you, it’s okay to feel these things, I’m not saying you should suppress them, but you should be aware of why you are feeling that way, experience it, and then let it pass, always observing your feelings and thoughts as an objective third party.
I’ve found since I have been doing this, that I have greater peace with myself, am far less emotionally reactive, and am able to use logic much more effectively.